The baby is coming, the product of a two month relationship. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. And I tend to agree that with certain situations, men end up with the raw end of the deal. Hes so full of sh*t, I bet his eyes are brown. Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. 1) Like it or not, men have one point where they can decide whether or not to risk becoming parents (ie before sex, they choose the degree of risk based on what, if any, precautions they take). Any advice for me?Signed, AnonymousDear Sis,News Flash: This man is not and has never been your man. He knew it but was willing to take that risk just like any man does when they engage in sex with a woman. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. Just like we trust people when they say they got tested? But it also tries to say that the man had a part in creating the child. That isnt the case. We are so in love with eachother and are with eachother all the time. But hes 40?! Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. So tough shit. Why? But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. Oh, and of course, hes also called a dick, and ass, and other choice names. The timing was exactly right. April 9, 2012, 6:25 pm, Jesus fucking christ! April 12, 2012, 2:41 am. You seem upset at biology that women are the ones that carry the children and and therefore has the ability to decide or not to continue on with a pregnancy whereas a guy doesnt have that same right. Or until we decide to start a family., By that logic, virtually every dude on the planet is an idiot. The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. If he doesnt want to have children that much, yes, he should be the one to do everything to prevent it. He didnt marry you. Steve Kellmeyer April 9, 2012, 12:32 pm, Well to start theres this ridiculous bit of misogyny and what seems like lack of understanding of child support: one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met.. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. And it will need a mother and a father. savannah Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. If you cant handle the idea that this could happen, then wrap it up, or dont have casual sex. When you break up, you get the rare opportunity to see your ex's true nature at the worst of times. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. . My takeaway from this is that men should never have sex unless theyre sterile or want to have children, and even then they should never have sex unless they plan to never have sex with a different person in the future because there is absolutely no way to avoid all sexually transmitted diseases aside from the complete lack of sexual contact. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. iseeshiny =), lets_be_honest Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. To clarify, I am NOT living with HIV. It may not be widely known among the comment threads of womens advice blogs and other social hangouts but the family law bar is well aware of this issue. Problem. Because hes treating the mother of his child, and his child, with such disdain and disregarding his responsibility to him/her. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. Not good enough. April 9, 2012, 9:55 am. .you can call me whatever you like. No. Is that fair to women? Call me crazy, but I dont see any partys reaction to this crazy. . Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. He says he cant stand her? Oh, good lord. I got angry because it's something he should have told me. (youve already split for two months, for reasons you didnt even mention). I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. He wants to get back with the LW (again, apparently). Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. Really!? because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. Men abandon and fail to pay for children constantly. So go control them all you please. She may have just dumped his ass and now he wants to temporarily get back with LW and knows what to say. If you want to hold this poor man responsible for some child some women decided to create, thats just mean and patriarchal crap. Because last I checked, saying dramatic things like we cant bear to live without each other was reserved for 16-year-old fans of poorly-written vampire romances. Were looking at this situation through the eyes of his ex whos pissed off that he knocked up this other woman but seems pretty bound and determined to get back with him. Honestly, why would you want to put yourself in a permanent relationship who a) has encouraged his baby mommy to abort the child for the sake of convenience and 2) who has sex with people he cannot stand? April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Temperance I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. In my opinion, a deadbeat leaves his child, abandons the mother, and offers no financial support. Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender. Then how does the woman get off requiring the man to do it? Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. Women have complete reproductive autonomy, but as far as I know it is impossible to become impregnated without a man somewhere in the equation. Just because you have the right to do something doesnt mean that you should. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. It actually makes me very sad. Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions without relying on you to rescue him. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. evanscr05 He found her annoying but still slept with herI think this was pretty assholish behavior. He also said he is furious with this women for wanting to keep the child, because they were only together for 2 minutes. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. This is your CHILD. Thats why we never used condoms. wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. If the woman is not required to support a child You see being nurturing as a weakness. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. April 9, 2012, 9:56 pm. I'm devastated and broken. And it seems to me that he isnt looking to get back together with you because hell die without you; it seems like hes trying to escape the clutches of responsibility by retreating to what he knows As in, someone who takes no issue with his immaturity and irresponsibility. I think your maturity should absolutely, completely be judged against how you react when life throws you unexpected thingslike an unplanned pregnancy. On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. Oh, in a perfect world, kerrycontrary The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. Theres a fun scenario. Grow the fuck up! I think this would cut down on a LOT of baby mama drama with regards to accusations of women getting pregnant on purpose or trapping me with a baby. Because no matter how much we feminists on here hate that bullshit, it DOES happen. And he has agreed to support the child financially. Im going out on a very weak limb to say that youre probably a better person than this letter which means youre definitely too good for him. Your are putting words into peoples mouths. I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. 6napkinburger I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). But still a good thing to have. Every woman who has given a child up for adoption is, in your mind, an immature asshole. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Not that she had the audacity to get pregnant after sex but for keeping the baby. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. I think hes allowed to have an opinion about the woman after all, hes about to be handcuffed to her for the next 19 years or so. But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. female He delivered, at her request, one-half of a set of DNA blueprints. Jimmy has made his choice. I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. If a woman gets pregnant from a quick, meaningless relationship and tells the father that shes expecting, and the father wants desperately to keep the baby, what do we call the woman who aborts the child anyways? Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. April 10, 2012, 10:14 pm, if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. landygirl Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. bittergaymark Im usually just a lurker here on DW, but the strong debate over this letter compelled me to comment. Both have to accept responsibility for that. SweetsAndBeats You pack of hypocrites. We have been able to shield the kids from this at this point. ele4phant I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. bittergaymark His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesnt love and doesnt want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesnt be with her. I feel like a part of me has died . April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. I was devastated. Third, I weep for that child. April 9, 2012, 12:39 pm. No. Fyrebyrd2 SweetsAndBeats Really? The fact that all this happened doesnt mean hes some despicable jackass.. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. However, sure, something unexpected and life-altering happened to him, and hes upset, so surely hes an idiot. Shall I and all the other taxpayers? I have never heard anybody going through an unwanted pregnancy say they didnt take care. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. I dont know. The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. This surprises you? Thanks for the clarification. When I could just as easily say, Its so easy for men to disappear after a pregnancy and never give financial support to their child.. Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. Reframed to show the low quality of the comparison: Would you like an abortion? = Would you like fries with that? > OK! lets_be_honest And John, be real for a moment, and honestly tell me you jump in on a number of issues here and not to just defend your brethren who you perceive to be under attack. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. April 10, 2012, 6:26 pm. female So yes, if she is trying to trap him, he should be furious at her. We all know that going in. She didnt rape him. AndreaMarie Run as if your life depends on it because it does. I believe I saw the C-word used at least once. Its not yours to deal with. and the man has the option to take extra precaution and choose to wear a condom. Its Gone Downhill. It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. April 9, 2012, 4:59 pm, FancyPants In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. door to door service. You shouldnt be following so closely behind someone that if they were to suddenly slam on their brakes you wouldnt be able to stop (for a billboard, for a kid running across the street, because theyre being dicks, ect). I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) And fools are welcome to the horror you and your ilk inflict upon them. Women have the discretion to assert paternity on a man, though he has limited rights to contest that paternity claim. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. I always try to take what the LW says at face value though, and a lot of times I turn out to be very wrong when the updates come around, but I still always think its better to react to what they said not what I think they said. 2. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. 4. I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? Now I also believe that the LW is exposing herself to STDs not this guy, because she knows that he had unprotected sex with another women, and she still chooses to be with him either way. But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! This guy isnt worth anyones time. In any event, Im happy to hear what youve shared already! Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. Hes responsible for the choices that brought him where he is now. female Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. 12, 14, and 16 year old girls are statutorily raped, too, and their rapists? I dont think the actual equality is as you think it is, but even if I agree that it is, it has nothing to do with what happens early on in a pregnancy. April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. Remember that episode when Rachel told Ross she was pregnant and he freaked out because they used condoms? [The feminist movement died one millisecond after the first impact. Or shes against abortion. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. I dont think he is a bad person for telling a woman within the first trimester of a pregnancy that he barely knew and presumably made no false impressions to that he did not want a child and had no intention of being a part of that childs life. Chuck(le) Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. Sure, lots of people take those chances. That should have been the end of it. Is this a valid summary? Just sayin. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. She gets to decide whether she keeps the baby or not. So it sounds like the mom here mustve been in a postiion to want and/or raise a child. April 9, 2012, 10:12 am. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. We judge people all the time where our judgment has absolutely no effect on the outcome, we arent participants in the issue and no one gives a crap what we think. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. You and the baby are the victims. His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. bittergaymark Kind of sounds like it was written by an extremely immature middle aged woman. April 9, 2012, 5:05 pm. And hes 28. April 9, 2012, 5:13 pm. People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. LW, this guy sounds like a scumbag. 10. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Because believe mehes not into anything but what he wants and what he likes. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview.